Some funny quotes

I always wondered why somebody doesn't do something about that. Then I realized I was somebody.Lily Tomlin

I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.Jack Benny

My mother used to say that there are no strangers, only friends you haven't met yet. She's now in a maximum security twilight home in Australia.Dame Edna Everage

Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in.Rita Rudner

Summer is the season when a man thinks he can cook better on an outdoor grill than his wife can on an indoor stove.Anonymous

I don't drink coffee at work. It keeps me awake.Judy Brown